Thank You

I just wanted to say that I am truly grateful for all of you...wait, what the hell?

Alright...

This is just ridiculous.

Be sure to watch the video.

Firefly Bloopers

I'm having a pretty crappy week, so to cheer me (and all of you) up, here is a video of bloopers from the short-lived but still awesome show Firefly. It contains all the bloopers found on the DVD, plus others. My personal favorite starts about 6:40 in. Enjoy.

Video is NSFW. Contains language and nudity. Delicious Nathan Fillion nudity.

Obama's Elf

Video is safe for work.

What Really Set Christian Bale Off

By now you've probably heard (or at least heard of) Christian Bale getting furious with the director of photography on the set of Terminator: Salvation (if you haven't, click here). Well, according to recently released footage, we now know that the DP wasn't at fault after all...



Note: neither video is safe for work

Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself

Except for the whole "He's my boyfriend" part. That would just be weird.

Star Wars: Retold (By Someone Who Hasn't Seen It)

Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

"My Name is Mark, and You Can Count On It"

So today I ran across Esquire Magazine's 5 Most Terrifying Local TV Commercials. While I encourage you to check them all out, as they are all truly horrific, this one from Norton Furniture is my favorite. It is the most disturbing, nonsensical, and bizarre commercial I think I've ever seen. Enjoy.



Addendum: After watching his ad, go to jonesbigasstruckrentalandstorage.com
and order a T-Shirt.

Mr. President, Duck!

Say what you want about how evil and incompetent President Bush is, the man does have good reflexes for his age!

Seriously?

Either this company has a great sense of humor, or they're so stupid that they didn't realize they were getting away with possibly the greatest double entendre in the history of product names.



And yes, it is a real product.

Ridiculous Warning Labels

We've all seen them: warning labels that make no sense. The ones that warn against using a product in a certain way that would have been obvious to anyone who isn't a complete moron. You know that those are put on there because some idiot tried to use a product in a stupid way, got themselves hurt or killed, then the company got sued because they did not explicitly say not to do it. My favorite one is the warning that came with one of those key chain clips that say "Not to be used for climbing." Someone probably went climbing and decided that the key chain he just bought for $1 would hold his weight. It didn't, so the company had to add the warning.

Today I found another one. I bought a pack of Safeway brand automatic toilet bowl cleaners. On the back, it has a warning:

Safe to use around pets and children...

OK, not so much of a warning as a reassurance that this product will not cause your pets or kids to spontaneously combust. But notice the ellipsis at the end there?

...although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.

What? Did someone actually let their kid drink from the toilet when the water was blue? What happened to the kid?

I also love the implication that it's OK to let your kids drink from the toilet when there isn't cleaner in it.

Bi-Mart Is Trying to Tell Me Something

Today, I went into the Cheney Bi-Mart to pick up a few things. They are currently celebrating their one-year anniversary. Among the things they are doing is giving out bags o'stuff to their customers, myself included. There were only three things in the bag, so it isn't like they're giving away great prizes or anything. But one of the free things that I got seemed rather odd.

But first, here are the other two things that I got:

- The World's Most Comfortable Pencil. How do I know it's the world's most comfortable pencil? Why, it says so right on the label! And those never lie, right? By the way, what separates this pencil from your average uncomfortable ones is that this one is triangular as opposed to round. It actually is fairly easy to handle, but I never thought of old, round pencils as hard to hold (that's what she said).

- Motions brand hair strengthening moisturizer. Because, as you all know, I take great pride in my fantastic head of hair. That's why I haven't changed my hair style in over 15 years (don't ask what my old hair style was. You don't want to know. Shut up Mara!)

And, for the odd one:

- Lysine brand Cold Sore Treatment. What the hell? Is Bi-Mart trying to tell me that my whoring around must stop? I know I ooze sluttyness from every pore, but that's just mean!

So what do you all think? Should I put an end to my lewd and lascivious ways like Bi-Mart wants me to, or should I increase them as a big "fuck you" to the store?

Free Miss Precious Perfect!

I love Keith Olbermann. I love that he makes coherent arguments with plenty of evidence while still showing a lot of emotion, something that most commentators can only dream of doing.

That said, I was laughing my ass off at Ben Affleck's impersonation of him on last weekend's "Saturday Night Live." He nails Olbermann perfectly (that's what she said).

If McCain's Concession Speech Was As Bitter As His Campaign

Via Cracked.

If McCain's Concession Speech Was As Bitter As His Campaign -- powered by Cracked.com

Barack Obama: He Completes Me

He REALLY Needs a Writer!

Need Fairchild AFB Writer for Collaboration:MARS

Fantastic.

The Dude Abides

Today at the archives I was processing Adams County criminal case files, and I came across a great name:

Dude Glacken.

Here is the conversation between my friend Lee and I after I showed him the name.

Lee: Call me The Dude. Or The Dudester.

Me: Or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.

By the way, he was charged with "Permitting livestock to run at-large." Just like the Seattle Seven (and six other guys), as well as the author of the Original Port Huron Statement, not the compromised second draft, would do.

Guess what I'm going to be watching tonight!

Get Fuzzy