November 21, 2008

Bi-Mart Is Trying to Tell Me Something

Today, I went into the Cheney Bi-Mart to pick up a few things. They are currently celebrating their one-year anniversary. Among the things they are doing is giving out bags o'stuff to their customers, myself included. There were only three things in the bag, so it isn't like they're giving away great prizes or anything. But one of the free things that I got seemed rather odd.

But first, here are the other two things that I got:

- The World's Most Comfortable Pencil. How do I know it's the world's most comfortable pencil? Why, it says so right on the label! And those never lie, right? By the way, what separates this pencil from your average uncomfortable ones is that this one is triangular as opposed to round. It actually is fairly easy to handle, but I never thought of old, round pencils as hard to hold (that's what she said).

- Motions brand hair strengthening moisturizer. Because, as you all know, I take great pride in my fantastic head of hair. That's why I haven't changed my hair style in over 15 years (don't ask what my old hair style was. You don't want to know. Shut up Mara!)

And, for the odd one:

- Lysine brand Cold Sore Treatment. What the hell? Is Bi-Mart trying to tell me that my whoring around must stop? I know I ooze sluttyness from every pore, but that's just mean!

So what do you all think? Should I put an end to my lewd and lascivious ways like Bi-Mart wants me to, or should I increase them as a big "fuck you" to the store?



    The name of the triangular-shaped pencil?

    That's right. Triconderoga.

  2. Bi-Mart loves you and is just looking out for your well-being. So put in on your herpes sores and stop being a baby.

  3. Ouch! First Bi-Mart, and now one of my oldest friends? Didn't see that coming. :)